


The Safest Way

by MidnightCity



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ficlet, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 23:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8347861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightCity/pseuds/MidnightCity
Summary: Their timing was wrong ...





	

James often thought that if they'd live in a cheap romance novel, this problem wouldn't exist. James would have not fallen fast and hard for Jeremy. Or maybe he would have but the feelings would have eventually disappeared. Most importantly, he wouldn't have fallen for him while Jeremy was a married man! This feeling, the little butterflies, it never left him. He felt most at home with Jeremy around. Jeremy was telling a funny story, making a bad joke, having a serious argument and daring to show his softer side. Jeremy truly cared for James. But he was married ... Happily married. The feelings weren't returned, and never would be. 

 

In weak moments, James dared to dream. There, the feelings were returned and Jeremy would cry tears of joy after James would confess to them. Then they'd be happy, there was a chance. But in reality, James knew that even if Jeremy was hiding the same feelings, he would never risk seven years of domestic bliss for James. James had never been able to uphold any relationship for longer than two years. Even if everything else had been right, it would still go wrong. So the timing took care of that, leaving a simple conclusion: James wasn't meant for Jeremy.

 

Then Sarah appeared. James got along with her easily. She was funny, nice, charming, and respected his need for freedom. She was brilliant. James loved her, and truly cared for her. But he had never been in love with her, and he knew that he would never be. He never felt the butterflies, the slight burn underneath his cheeks. But that was all right with James. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone, or worse, waiting for something that would never happen. What was so bad about this solution? They cared for each other, and were happy with each other. James was still able to spend time with Jeremy, which was all he ever wanted: seeing him happy. 

 

* * *

 

Jeremy often thought that if they'd lived in a cheap romance novel that he would have noticed sooner, years and years before Francie suggested that Jeremy should temporarily move out, even before they considered marriage consulting. The more they tried to fix their marriage, the more they broke it, up until the point they only shouted and screamed at each other. Both wanted change, desperatly so, but neither was ready yet to do what was needed, so they tore apart everything they could find. Then the cold and surprisingly hard realisation settled: they needed a divorce. They had drifted too far apart, they couldn't fix it, both were unsure if they even wanted to. Letting each other go had been the best decision they had ever made, right after agreeing to marry each other in the first place. 

 

Eventually Jeremy recovered. Now knowing that relationships were complicated, and years of hard work were no guarantee that it wouldn't break apart the next day. He wanted to tell James about this revelation, but when he looked at Sarah and James, all he could feel was a painful tug at his heart. He longed for James. He wanted James to be his, to be proud of him for figuring this out. It meant that when James and Jeremy would start being together that it would work! Jeremy must have fallen slowly for James. When did _I like spending time with him_ turn into _I need to spend time with him_? Jeremy had never been able to pinpoint it, before his divorce, or after it? James had slowly crept into his heart building a nest.

 

But what was he supposed to do? James was happy with Sarah. Even if he would return those feelings, he would never risk twelve years of a steady relationship to try and start another with Jeremy. He was a mess, and it was hard work ... It wouldn't work. Not when James had someone who made him happy.

 

Jeremy didn't believe in true love, not any more. When Phillipa suggested a date, Jeremy couldn't find a real reason to say no. He liked her, thought she was funny, pretty, and nice. He couldn't live alone forever, pining for a man that was taken. Jeremy knew that it wouldn't be, what? True love? He shouldn't be stupid. Phillipa seemed to know as well, but didn't mind. They made each other laugh, spent time together, but it wasn't as committed as Francie and Jeremy had been, it was more casual, yet, exclusive. They cared for each other, maybe it wouldn't last, but it was what both of them needed. And yet, when Jeremy fell asleep at night, he cursed timing ... 

 

* * *

 

In the morning Jeremy blinked the sleep out of his eyes and stretched his toes. Then he turned, burying his head in the endlessly familiar chest. This was followed by a kiss on the top of Jeremy's head. He had never felt more blissful and content, Jeremy couldn't help the smile on his lips as he looked up, seeing James gaze down at him, his hair still pointing in all directions and smiling sleepily down at him. He had never been this happy in his life.

 

Circumstance had ripped Sarah away from James, and Phillipa had wanted more commitment than Jeremy had been ready to give. The two men had healed together, never mentioning the unspoken truth, but both had been aware of something between them. Both had known that the other knew. They needed to wait, they wanted everything to be right. They hadn't wanted to rush this. They hadn't wanted to built their shared life on the burnt ashes of other relationships. They needed to be ready, and they had been on a cold night in November when James had hooked his arm into Jeremy's, talking about retirement and their pub, until Jeremy had bent down kissing him, little tears forming in the corner of his eyes when James had pulled him closer. 


End file.
